Friday, August 20, 2004
P.U... What Extincts?
Much has been made of the wily franco-parisian musquat. The world’s only known freely mobile, cognizant and strictly vegan plant. A tuberous root related equally to the tulip and the mung bean, the musquat is often found lurking around the jazz clubs and cafes along the Champs-Elysee, which makes its obscurity a mystery. The musquat enjoys enigmatic status despite widespread reports of public intoxication on cheap wine and habitually vehement confrontations with the locals, punctuated by belligerent squealing in its snarky pseudo-Algerian accent. However, it is conspicuously absent among the arrested or seriously injured owing to its innate ability to shift blame and bribe local constables. The musquat’s resiliency seems directly tied to its status as an endangered species. It is under these auspices that the musquat is able to create a volatile disturbance yet avoid physical harm with its familiar calls of “Whatcha gonna do, hit an endangered species?” and “Oh, you’re real tough when you got 4 billion people to back you up.” It’s widely disputed whether the musquat has a nearly extinct population or is merely an extremely unpopular creature.