Wednesday, April 14, 2010

From "Talk Sick! A Celebration of Outstanding Oratory in the Service and Manufacturing Industries"

Speech delivered at the Fourth Annual Pastry Chef Global Summit focusing on “Expanding the Market Share of Bear Claws and Other Advanced Bakery Goods.” The summit took place on December 4 – 7, 1984 and was sponsored by the Otis Elevator Company.

SPEAKER: Robert "Maple Jim" Thorpe, Overnight Custodian, Fram Oil Filter Corp.

Fellow passengers and litigants:
Allow me to elucidate an idear that I had for brand-new, self-sustaining, multi-cellular organism. I've named him Rosie. I believe he would be adept at spewing wil"d" and wa"ck"y self-help advice at supportive participants (absurd emphasis on "PANTS" and a silent "zzyzx") like so much feces (pronounced: horkcrank) from a perturbed primate and her life partner, a deflated inner tube (known casually as "Senator Galbraith"). Rosie's superiority at celebrity roasts would so far exceed his contemporaries, that he would single-handled (though he has three) crush the aspirations of any who sought to gallop astride him, who I've named Rosie. So... got a hundy on ya? I'm yanking your chain, small bills work just fine. I'll submit the paper work to the Huntsville Institute for Criminal Justice and Neo-Natal Pottery Barn. Thank you for listening. An usher will be by shortly to unlock your manacles and bus your table.

1 comment:

  1. More like "bust" my table. Oh wait, that was me. Well, you trying jigsawing with manacles on.


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