Sunday, June 27, 2010

David Niven In 30 Minutes Or Less

Regarding your letter of the 3rd, 4th, 8th and 14th:

The Pincushion twins are investing heavily in the publicly held Greasy Little People, Inc. As your financial advisor, I think I should inform you that I don't give a diddly about stocks and stuff, and I'm not really up to snuff on, like, money and what to do with it. For example, I've received from you, bi-weekly, little slips of paper that have digits and writing and your name on it and my name on it (on a line entitled "Pay To the Order Of")... and I've just been keeping them in a paper sack. I'm not real comfortable with numbers and the like.    Also, I haven't been paid in 3 years. So I am putting you on notice. Oh, and you've been getting these letter-thingies from the bank. And the SBA. And the government. I haven't opened them, but the letters keep getting redder and redder. And they keep calling. So I disconnected your phone. And mine. Pretty good, huh? So... what's up? How's tricks? Oh, the men in the suits have come back so let me say "ta-ta" before they slap on those cuffs. I sent you a basket of fruit. Goodbye.

Look over there!
Wendell Calligraphy Toasteroven, GED


  1. Story of my life. Verbatim. I would sue for libel if I could just locate my high school yearbook. And my pants. Oh well, I'm off to Tahoe for the fresh air and the commmunity service. -PdP

  2. Your admission is charming and ill-timed. I just made a deal with the Feds. Who can say "no" to ice cream? (Not ice cream... what's the other pone? Oh right, pornography!)


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